Delicious: Emily’s Moms vs Dads gave me indigestion

What bourgeois hell have I stumbled into? What deviant upper-middle-class purgatory has spawned the time management game that is Delicious: Emily’s Moms vs Dads? What loathsome specter of capitalism has wrought this foulness of casual gaming? Who the hell wants one olive in a large, plastic bag?

Moments into my game play I cringed at the sitcom-inspired insipidness that is Delicious’s version of the modern American family and, all the while, sitting mouth agape at the cringe-worthy dialog and dimwitted domestic drudgery, I struggled to get to some actual gameplay. There are screen shots I wish I’d taken, moments where I “ewwed” out loud at the wanton display of inanity. Yeah, it’s just a fun, little game, you say, but it upholds some of the most insidious narratives around gender roles in Western society.

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Look at those Baby Boomers. Look at Patrick. Everyone should be ashamed of themselves.

Let’s talk about Patrick, the likable father figure, rendered totally inadequate within all the scenes I was willing to stomach. Taking vacation from his job at the florist, Patrick is caring for the children while Emily – up-and-coming food blogger, of course – is helping out at the local yuppie bodega. Look at his face. Look at it. The poor man is trying his best to be the perfect modern father, but the story won’t let him. The story is intent on Emily being a supermom and relegating all of Patrick’s parenting as inefficient. The game equates the parenting of children with emasculation and then insists that men will fail anyway.

I’m not only here to defend Patrick. I’m here to excoriate the types of narratives that have been plaguing the Western mediascape since the 1960s. By instilling the idea of the inadequate-domestic father into the backstory of American existence, we come to expect less of our father figures and expect everything from the mothers. We expect women to be harpies and men to be children. We say that since only women are effective as caregivers, they should only be caregivers. We appear to be honoring women, putting them and motherhood on a pedestal. What we are actually doing is shackling them to a domestic role and ostracizing men from parenting. It’s insulting to men and women. Patrick is trying, but the story won’t allow Patrick to succeed.

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I want to know Patrick’s desires. I want to know if Patrick would like to leave the flower shop and be a full-time dad. I want to see Patrick say “Daddy is taking a vacation to be with you,” without the “help mommy” part of the equation.

I don’t want to even talk about the game play in Delicious: Emily’s Moms vs Dads because it’s rote store-based, time management game play. I do want to talk about a store that appears to have as a selection one small olive in a large plastic bag? This store is supposed to be about healthy choices – the scene at the beginning with the skeptical mother, a screen shot I wish I had, establishes this – and generally, ideally, environmental consciousness goes hand-in-hand with this ethos. But I’m nitpicking again, because there is so much more to dislike about the premise of this game and its characters that the game mechanics hardly matter.

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“Please don’t hit me in the face with your pathetic attempt at disrupting gender roles!”

I don’t review many time management games because when I play them, I rarely get something different and their story lines are not particularly compelling. However, Delicious: Emily’s Moms vs Dads‘s story line was so insulting from the get-go, even if the narrative improved later, there was little to keep me playing to find out.

Rating: Why!?

 

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